to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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