this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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