Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
