Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
