Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
