i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
