we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize