he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
