I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
