Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
