Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
