TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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