Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
