I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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