I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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