i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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