thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
