He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
