omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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