he told me I talked like a deaf person
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
