I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
honey bunches of taint.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
