3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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