What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
