i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
