Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize