I got chris browned last night
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mom said you looked used
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
