just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
