dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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