Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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