Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
