Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
