you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
