So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
