Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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