i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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