standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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