im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
