I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
