One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
