hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
