Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize