That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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