Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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