You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
