Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
being pregnant is like rehab
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
