Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
