Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
