Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
