I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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