Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
