i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We need to get me chipped asap
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
