I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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