I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
