I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
