how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Couch. On fire.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
