so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
