Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
