do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
