so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
