i think i have two assholes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
