I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
