Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
