I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
