Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
