you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize