You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
