Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
