I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
