my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
